inner wild therapy

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Archives (page 6 of 15)

The case for constraint

Perhaps like you, I resent being thwarted or trapped by some external constraint.

I have often rushed at these immovable things like a bull at a gate, with the same results of a sore head.

However, that was until recently. I’ve discovered, through nature, how fruitful such solid outside constraints can be. Twice this year I’ve seen the kind of ripe power that can burst forth after a period of life-strangling tight confinement.

‘How strange that constraint can create a build-up of awesome energy’ I thought (completely forgetting about bondage restraints and water dams) as I watched my “winter pansies” and “Lidl strawberries” produce flowers and fruits at an accelerated rate after my negligent containment of them.

I bought fifty tiny “winter colour” seedlings ultra-cheap from a Guardian offer in the Autumn. I potted them up with zealot gardener dedication.

But I was too late getting them into the flowerbeds and between one hard frost and another, followed by inches of snow on frozen ground, too cold and hard to gouge the trowel into, they were abandoned in their tight little containers.

In the Spring I noticed they seemed to still be alive, had even managing a bud or two in their tiny cells. I planted them out randomly in the garden and in the window boxes, what the hey.

Whoo-o! Within two days they were three times their size, bursting with new leaf and bigger buds, new buds and some had even flowered! They embraced their liberation with a force they must have been building and building after surviving the dormant freeze of wintertime. They have since produced flourishes of bright, joyful flowers for several months.

Similarly, the box of strawberry seedlings a friend gave me a couple of months ago which became root-bound. I fretted mildly about where to plant them and putting straw around the plants and what about losing them to our snails and slugs who rampage with full territorial rights through our garden and was there any point really in planting them out at all?

What a thing to admit to! And yet it reminds me of the fears we sometimes have about starting any creative project – our mind throws up all kinds of possible obstacles and fears which often prevent us from doing anything at all.

What is the point of spending hours of my life on this novel if it is never published? What is the point of buying a paint set if I never have time to paint? And so on, you get the idea.

I planted the strawberries out last week and already there are bunches of hard creamy strawberries beginning to blush with pink – the bright red one of a few days ago has already been eaten by a mouse or bird.

There are so many basic and complex examples of solid, external circumstances that confine and constrain us in our lives in just the same way ice forms in the stems of pansies. A lack of funds, the death of someone, a locked door, a phone not answered, a Visa expired, love rejected, a bus that breaks down.

So often our response is to try to fight the constraint, push it away. Maybe even deny it altogether. And yet look what nature tells us about the power external constraint can give us. If we freeze, pause a little and then allow ourselves to build our energy it will be there as a huge reserve you can let burst when external circumstances change, as change they will.

I am going to be more pansy and strawberry plant like from now on when I’m forced by external circumstance and situation to be dormant, pull my feelers in, remain alert and unmoving – be patient within a prolonged pause.

I am not talking here about in-between fallow periods. I am talking about those very real, very tangible forces outside of ourselves that stop us in our tracks and which we cannot change by force or any other method.

If my pansies or strawberries had fought against their confinement they would have lost a large reserve of stored energy. Instead, by pressing a natural ‘pause’ button they have given themselves the energy reserve to, at the slightest lessening of their confinement, burst forth with a huge force of raw, flowering and fruitful power.

And so it is with us. Instead of fretting and fighting about a confinement we might have – traveling to work, a difficult relationship, a tight deadline, an enemy setting us up for a fall, a pay freeze, a drain on cash flow – so many situations come up in life that press our ‘pause’ button.

I’ve noticed that many people advocate pushing through these forced constraints and I agree it is a good idea to test the strength of it initially. But then we must pause and wait, always knowing the release may not come but quietly containing our energy so we are ready for the dam bursting, the bonds removed, the money flowing and we can enjoy the hugely magnified power we had in only in potential before the constraint.

Constraints are good. They dam our creative power. And that means our creative power can explode like a new universe from a black hole.

If you, like me, are hoping that the photographer, Kalpana Chatterjee, who captured the image above immediately pulled out a pair of wire cutters and cut that barbed wire right off, you are only showing the positive spirit of humanity that has us always turning towards life and growth. Let us imagine the divine release and how the tree sap flowed after that snipping.

Why do things die, mama?

“Why do things die, mama?”

My child and I had walked and talked for about ten minutes after finding a young fox dead on the roadside before she asked this question.

We were on a nature walk, an “adventure” and I gasped when I saw it lying there, all soft chestnut fire glory against hard grey tarmac and sharp curb.

So extraordinarily beautiful. So young, only just an adult, smooth, soft, mange-free fur and white teeth, brand new. Still warm, but dead.

Cars whizzed past, fast. I picked the fox up, its head flopped and I cradled it, blood dripping a little from its mouth.

I carried it and laid it reverently in some bough-heavy bushes, curled it around nose-to-tail as though it was sleeping, closed its eyes.

My daughter wanted to touch it too. I was proud of her. We stroked it. Her emphasis was on its wild eyes. Mine was on its youth and splendor.

We talked about it being an instant, painless death, that looking at the road, the driver couldn’t have stopped in time. We noticed the globy blood splatters. My girl asked would the fox’s parents be looking for it?

I began to cry, just a little. I was thinking of the utter, desolate waste. The youth and vitality, the care the fox’s parents would have taken to protect, feed and teach this little one through cold Spring and wet days and nights of scarce pickings. And now too quick across the road and gone.

My quiet tears as we walked were not just for this young, healthy, fit fox. They were for my own death kisses: my dogs, my cats, my mother, my self, my best friends, a boy I found dead in his car, who had fed a hose from his exhaust pipe in a lonely place . Suicides, bizarre accidents, fatal medical mistakes.

I don’t mind at all that my child sees my tiny tears or feels my sadness. I think of other children who are not given opportunities to see and feel raw, wild life and learn about death gently at first through the natural world. Who do not go on nature walks. Death on a nature walk, what could be more natural?

We have ten minutes of discussing the fox, sudden death and the consequences for everyone involved, my child asking me all kinds of questions.

And then she asks me, as she has asked me several times before, “why do things die, mama?” And I say, without hesitation, “because without death there is no life”.

I use my quaint, simplistic theory of opposites to explain things a lot. Without darkness light doesn’t exist. And yet, when we happen upon death suddenly and unexpectedly as grown-ups we are thrown out of our complacency. Children accept.

I feel odd writing about our young fox – and this is a documented syndrome you know, that when you happen upon a dead body you feel a primal sense of needing to protect it, an askew sense of it being your responsibility – I think of him still curled up and getting wet in the rain, I wonder should I have carried him all the way home and buried him here though that didn’t feel at all right at the time. I feel a little dishonorable documenting our experience in a blog post.

All of this is perhaps less about the natural, wild fox still in his natural element in the bushes and more about the wondering over death his has stirred up in me.

Yet, I want to say that I am glad we came upon the fox when we did, that it was us and not some other, stray dogs even.

I am grateful that the fox in his death gave several gifts to my child: a chance to touch wild, to stare at stillness, to learn about death in all of its complexity, to honor the found dead, respect and revere them – and more, that crossing roads is a dangerous thing, impulse must sometimes be tempered, consequences of decisions can be catastrophic …

I see her beautiful mind absorbing all of this. And she does not cry. As with so many other things, she understands it all far better than I.

Image “An Angel in the Woods” borrowed from artist Karen Davis. Check out her Etsy shop,  Moonlight and Hares + follow her on Twitter @moonhare Thank you Karen for making our world more beautiful.

Love or be loved?

Where are you at with that? It seems to me that society puts pressure on us to be loved but I don’t resonate with that very much at all.

Of course, it’s a beautiful thing to be loved and yes, we all surely want to be a person people love. And I definitely behave in such a way as to have people like me because life is much nicer that way.

But to love another. Well, to me that is something precious. Something to be treasured. I’m talking about big love or as a beautifully lady, Julie Daley talks about “fierce love”.

There are not that many people I love in that way.

And when you get right down to it perhaps it is the same for you.

I love that wild, intense love that has you in a lather to care for someone and honor them and admire and support them and all things in the in-between places. It makes my cells vibrate when I feel that love for someone else.

Of course, there are all different kinds of love and I write this post while listening to one of my greatest forever loves, John Denver (! lol), (after playing The Eagle and the Hawk on Youtube after reading @WildelyCreative‘s new blog and her latest glorious, mesmerising moments post – follow her on Twitter @MesMoments).

“My greatest inspiration has always been the out-of-doors, The out-of-doors was my first and truest best friend” sings JD. *sigh*

I guess nature is my first love. Nature has always filled me with big love vibrations.

And then there is mother (and father) love which overrides every other kind of love whether it flows wild over your baby, your dog or your cat or any other vulnerable someone.

These days, I find myself becoming more and more fierce about loving nature. It’s kicking-in with my mother love.

Then there’s inexplicable love. That soul connection that makes you stupid, foolish, irrational – or is it brave, courageous, authentic? Feeling that kind of love is scary. Being ‘in love’ is like being possessed – and you are, by LOVE.

The media perhaps propagates the view of the importance of being loved to make us behave ourselves. But I think a sense of encouragement to love actively would be so much better for humankind.

If we focused on the glory of LOVING and expressing that – love is a verb, after all – how much more beautiful life, the universe and everything would be. If we thrilled more to the joy of actively loving, and less on the ego-centric notion of being loved, I think we would feel far more contented.

If we loved more, and connected more strongly with the energetic love vibes inside of us – and felt more comfortable with loving, rather than being loved – nature would be nurtured and supported instead of ravished for fleeting gain.

We would get better at being loving. We would learn more ways to love positively.

When we individually experience loving others, and enjoy that wild ride, we would not be quite so uncomfortable about being loved – indeed, being loved by ourselves.

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Image – “Love Birds” – borrowed from Elizabeth Ray Photography. Visit Elizabeth’s beautiful Fly With Me Etsy shop. Thank you for making the world more beautiful Elizabeth.

video Interview with a Wild Man – Jim Beattie of Primal Scream

Oh yeah. I am SO good to you baby

Here for your curious pleasure, your whimsical attention, your inner wild liberation is Primal Scream legend, songwriter, musician and all-round wild man, Jim Beattie interviewed in a hazardous fashion by me.

If you can bear the excruciating first couple of minutes of me faffing around with the camera and sounding like a donkey’s ass while Jim demonstrates great patience you may feel wildly empowered after watching the whole thing. (I chose not to cut those minutes, or any of the other bits I could have cut. I am weird that way. I like it real, raw and slow y’know.)

Jim talks with dangerous candour about music, being in a successful punk rock band, writing songs, self-expression, music, creativity, seeing naked breasts for the first time, (at a David Bowie / Ziggy Stardust gig) individuality, Future Shock, fashion, making axes from tin cans as a child, music, karma, how he uses gardening to “lose himself”, fear factors, the Sex Pistols, mindfulness, music, why people should read more, cooking, de-cluttering, being in the now, how to find your inner wild man, google Earth, architecture, music, making furniture instead of buying it, how we’re all voyeurs, woodworking, psychos, his wild take on life’s purpose, music, going hill-walking so he can “breathe” and yes, even religion and politics.

Meanwhile, I talk and laugh too much. Anyway, after the serious ride of being a famous punk rocker and songwriter, Jim has now chosen to be of service to young musos, artists and other creative people by actively supporting and helping them to set up in business through Glasgow-based Ico Ico.

I wanted to interview Jim not just because he is a legendary punk rocker and I was a punk but also because he is one of the kindest, funniest and hard-man grandest people I’ve met. I wanted to get some insights from him that might help other creative wild types live a bigger life.

Wanna hear some of Jim’s tunes? Check out his Primal Scream favorites:

Velocity Girl

Gentle Tuesday

both written by Jim.

For more Primal Scream check out current line-up website, some other Primal Scream website, fab unofficial Primal Scream website, Primal Scream photos, history and songs on last.fm and NME’s Primal Scream news, pics, lyrics, photos, best songs, discography, concerts, gossip and tour dates.

Footnotes:

Filmed in 2010. I’ve interviewed hundreds of people in person, on the phone, via email. You would have NO idea of my interviewing skills watching this video interview!

Video interviewing is a whole other kind of other thing entirely! I am a video interview virgin so be gentle with me.

If you are disappointed not to see me on film – so am I! I had a great outfit on, and lipstick, but forgot to film myself. *sigh* In my next interview I might sit side by side. Oh God, just the idea of that makes me feel a little faint…

The blog I mentioned at one point when we were talking about simple bliss whose name escaped me at the time 1000 Awesome Things – amazing!

When you were little <----------- who were you?

Did you ever happen to see the wonderful documentary series “UP”? directed by Michael Apted and commissioned decades ago by Granada Television in the UK?

Starting in 1964, it ground-breakingly recorded a group of disparate children at 7 years of age, then at 14 years of age and 28 years, 35 years and 42.

When I watched the “35UP” programme I was struck by a cloud-parting insight. As the filmmakers cut together each 35 year old with their 7 year old self I could see that those who were happiest, most content and successful were the ones who had remained true to the individuals they were when they were little.

Have you remained true to who you were at 7 years of age?

The successful grown-ups were those in the group chosen by the filmmakers who had not, like me and the others, spent much of their lives wild goose chasing.

I am all-for a good wild goose chase and to illustrate this point I will let you know that when I was of an age to theoretically know better, maybe 10 or 11? I am proud to say I remember chasing wild rabbits about with a cellar of salt having been told if you sprinkled salt on their tails they would not run away.

I still happily believe dumb things like this.

Rainbows still lure me with their elusive pots of gold even while I have actually trudged for miles, lugging a heavy spade, experienced the disappointment of rainbows not getting any closer so you can’t reach their end at all (did you know?).

As I write that I realize this is a metaphor for my life. I have chased rainbows my whole life and it’s taken me from living in Glasgow to London to Sydney to Auckland and back to Glasgow. And still no pot of gold. Lots of very pretty rainbows however, especially in Sydney after a thunderous rainstorm.

I was thinking about all this last weekend when I noticed on Twitter #WheniWasLittle as a ‘trending topic’. Don’t you just love Twitter?

Curious, I clicked and was delighted by some of the wonderful statements people made on this topic.

I’ve copied some here for you. I hope you will smile as you read them and maybe also reflect on how different or the same you are to who you were at 7 years of age.

I’m sure you were utterly lovely.

@imdabutterfly i was small.. Hhaahahhhaha..

@EleniTweet_x #WheniWasLittle Me And My Sister Would Fight Over Barbies

@Temayah RT @joeythechase: I still have mine RT @Temayah: #wheniwaslittle i had a susu box..—lmao! Rili?

@neneclemons #wheniwaslittle when spacejam came out i confused michael jordan with r.kelly

@kylebanks #WhenIWasLittle I didn’t have to get up at 4AM to go to work at 5AM

@BeeDubbleYu #wheniwaslittle i wanted to be older…now i want to be little again

@mattyicerob7 #wheniwaslittle I was into pokemon. The cards, games, and show. But now I’m only into the games.

@jozegr8 #wheniwaslittle we passed letters like – “Do you like me?” Check: []Yes []No []Maybe.

@KatStacksLaugh #wheniwaslittle Toy’s R US was the Ultimate Heaven.

@jemstarmusic #wheniwaslittle I used watch Family Matters, Fresh Prince, Saved by the bell, Martin .. Still do! lol

@de_bisi #wheniwaslittle I was the black sheep of the family! Wait I still am! Oh well

@Temayah: #wheniwaslittle i loved bathin in da rain… Gawd i miss those tyms

@VIR3N #wheniwaslittle I used to think that I could use MSN without internet. #fail

@Gussser #wheniwaslittle me and my friend michael would go outside in the rain and play like idiots.

@demibass #wheniwaslittle I use to make ‘potions’ with the hair products, shampoos and conditioners

@itssssawyer #WheniWasLittle i put my grmas car in drive &it almost drove out tha gas station , thas y u dnt leave badd ass kids inda car by themself

@BeanzDaring: #wheniwaslittle we used 2 put empty Huggie containers n our bike tires so our bikes can sound like dirt bikes

@Mr_Jay_Woods #wheniwaslittle “THERE WAS A SUCH THING CALLED #SCHOOLSHOES

@arli92 #wheniwaslittle going down backwards on a slide was the SHIITT lol

@helloanxious #wheniwaslittle i used to think my freckles made me gorgeous. not so much now.

@thelps1987 #wheniwaslittle we used to play football in the park for ages! none of this ps3 nonsense

@TevRunWisdom #wheniwaslittle I used to call people cheaters if they found me in hide n seek

@dave_alist #wheniwaslittle I thought it was cool to run around peeing on people..

@DevikaDidi #WheniWaslittle I used to have a boy short cut hair.. People be asking me if I’m a boy or a girl when I have a barbie jacket on.. D:

@mrym_xoxo #wheniwaslittle I believed in happy endings 🙂

@SiMpLY_GoLDeN_#wheniwaslittle I loved playing in the dark!

@Djembe_Djammer #wheniwaslittle Being double-dared something was like a death sentence.

@tslkailahgirafe #wheniwaslittle there was actually good programs on tv 🙂

@nightwork4 #wheniwaslittle we had 3 channels on TV. we actually played outside too

@MairaSalvatore #wheniwaslittle my families would always play around with my hair since it long —

@Mr_Jay_Woods #wheniwaslittle “I USED TO TRY AND SELL LEMONADE IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE” (BUT I DIDNT KNOW U NEEDED SUGAR!! THAT SHIT WAS DISGUSTING)

@patrizisbored #wheniwaslittle my grandpa used to put me on his shoulders so i can shoot the ball in the basketball ring at the park :’) good times.

@mrym_xoxo #wheniwaslittle I believed that was another world above the skies where fairies lived :p

@Liy939 I wanna go back to #wheniwaslittle cause back then, the hardest decision was picking a crayon…

@james_burge #wheniwaslittle we lost our teeth at 12 not our virginity!

@engelbertcrab #wheniwaslittle I had a bee cemetery

@rqdiva #wheniwaslittle my grandpa gave us chewing gum everytime he saw us. Lol

@mechellejones *blank stare*RT @MissDisla: #wheniwaslittle my mom taught me how to handle my liquor so that i wont use that excuse when i decide 2 have sex